I wonder you don't show him that respect--it wouldn't
hurt you one morsel, I guess.' Says he, quite miffy like, 'Don't he
know the way to court as well as I do? If I thought he didn't, I'd
send one of my niggers to show him the road. I wonder who was his
lackey last year, that he wants me to be his'n this time. It don't
convene to one of our free and enlightened citizens, to tag arter any
man, that's a fact; it's too English and too foreign for our glorious
institutions. He's bound by law to be there at ten o'clock, and so be
I, and we both know the way there I reckon.'
"I told the story to our minister, Mr. Hopewell (and he has some odd
notions about him, that man, though he don't always let out what he
thinks). Says he, 'Sam, that was in bad taste' (a great phrase of the
old gentleman's that), 'in bad taste, Sam. That 'ere sheriff was a
goney; don't cut your cloth arter his pattern, or your garment won't
become you, I tell you. We are too enlightened to worship our fellow
citizens as the ancients did, but we ought to pay great respect to
vartue and exalted talents in this life; and, arter their death,
there should be statues of eminent men placed in our national
temples, for the veneration of arter ages, and public ceremonies
performed annually to their honour. Arter all, Sam,' said he (and he
made a considerable of a long pause, as if he was dubersome whether
he ought to speak out or not), 'arter all, Sam,' said he, 'atween
ourselves (but you must not let on I said so, for the fullness of
time hain't yet come), half a yard of blue ribbon is a plaguy cheap
way of rewardin' merit, as the English do; and, although we larf at
'em (for folks always will larf at what they hain't got, and never
can get), yet titles ain't bad things as objects of ambition, are
they?' Then, tappin' me on the shoulder, and lookin' up and smilin',
as he always did when he was pleased with an idee, 'Sir Samuel Slick
would not sound bad, I guess, would it Sam?'
"'When I look at the English House of Lords,' said he, 'and see so
much larning, piety, talent, honour, vartue, and refinement collected
together, I ax myself this here question: can a system which produces
and sustains such a body of men, as the world never saw before and
never will see agin, be defective? Well, I answer myself, perhaps
it is, for all human institutions are so, but I guess it's e'enabout
the best arter all.
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