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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

Then she tried it agin, first she sot on
one leg then on t'other, quite oneasy, and then right atwixt both,
a-fidgettin' about dreadfully; like a man that's rode all day on a
bad saddle, and lost a little leather on the way. If you had seed how
she stared at Porter, it would have made you snicker. She couldn't
credit her eyes. He warn't drunk, and he warn't crazy, but there he
sot as peeked and as meechin' as you please. She seemed all struck up
of a heap at his rebellion. The next day when I was about startin', I
advised him to act like a man, and keep the weather gage now he had
it, and all would be well, but the poor critter only held on a day or
two, she soon got the upper hand of him, and made him confess all,
and by all accounts he leads a worse life now than ever. I put that
'ere trick on him jist now to try him, and I see it's gone goose with
him; the jig is up with him, she'll soon call him with a whistle like
a dog. I often think of the hornpipe she danced there in the dark
along with me, to the music of my whip--she touched it off in great
style, that's a fact. I shall mind that go one while, I promise you.
It was actilly equal to a play at old Bowry. You may depend, Squire,
the only way to tame a shrew is by the cowskin. Grandfather Slick was
raised all along the coast of Kent in Old England, and he used to say
there was an old saying there, which, I expect, is not far off the
mark:
'A woman, a dog, and a walnut tree,
The more you lick 'em, the better they be.


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