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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

'I guess,' said I,
'you've got 'em where folks won't see 'em, anyhow, and I calculate
you won't be over forrard to show 'em where they be. But come,' says
I, 'be a-stirrin', or I'll quilt you agin as sure as you're alive;
I'll tan your hide for you, you may depend, you old ungainly tempered
heifer you.'
"When I went to the barn, says I, 'John Porter, your wife made
right at me, like one ravin' distracted mad, when I opened the door,
thinkin' it was you; and I was obliged to give her a crack or two
of the cowskin to get clear of her. It has effectuated a cure
completely; now foller it up, and don't let on for your life it
warn't you that did it, and you'll be master once more in your own
house. She's all docity jist now--keep her so.' As we returned we saw
a light in the keepin' room, the fire was blazin' up cheerfulsome,
and Marm Porter moved about as brisk as a parched pea, though as
silent as dumb, and our supper was ready in no time. As soon as she
took her seat and sot down, she sprung right up on eend, as if she
had sot on a pan of hot coals, and coloured all over; and then tears
started in her eyes. Thinks I to myself, I calculate I wrote that
'ere lesson in large letters anyhow, I can read that writin' without
spellin', and no mistake; I guess you've got pretty well warmed
thereabouts this hitch.


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