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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

And then to see the little
critter shake herself when she gets up, like a duck landin' from a
pond, a-chatterin' away all the time like a canary bird, and you a
haw-hawin' with pleasure, is fun alive, you may depend. In this way
Bluenose gets led on to offer himself as a lovier, afore he knows
where he bees.
"But when he gets married, he recovers his eyesight in little less
than half no time. He soon finds he's treed; his flint is fixed then,
you may depend. She larns him how vinegar is made: 'Put plenty of
sugar into the water aforehand, my dear,' says she, 'if you want to
make it real sharp.' The larf is on the other side of his mouth then.
If his sleigh gets upsot, it's no longer a funny matter, I tell you;
he catches it right and left. Her eyes don't look right up to his'n
any more, nor her little tongue ring, ring, ring, like a bell any
longer, but a great big hood covers her head, and a whappin' great
muff covers her face, and she looks like a bag of soiled clothes
a-goin' to the brook to be washed. When they get out, she don't wait
any more for him to walk lock and lock with her, but they march like
a horse and a cow to water, one in each gutter. If there ain't a
transmogrification it's a pity. The difference atween a wife and a
sweetheart is near about as great as there is between new and hard
cider: a man never tires of puttin' one to his lips, but makes plaguy
wry faces at t'other.


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