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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

'
'They are afeared to show their noses,' says another, 'lest they
should be shaved off by our shots.' 'They are all down below
"A-CALCULATIN'" their loss I guess,' says a third. 'I'll take my
davy,' says the Captain, 'it's some Yankee trick--a torpedo in her
bottom or some such trap; we'll let her be;' and sure enough, next
day, back she came to shore of herself. 'I'll give you a quarter of
an hour,' says the Captain of the Guerriere to his men, 'to take that
'ere Yankee frigate, the Constitution.' I guess he found his mistake
where he didn't expect it, without any great sarch for it either.
Yes (to eventuate my story), it did me good; I felt dreadful nice,
I promise you. It was as lovely as bitters of a cold mornin'. Our
folks beat 'em arter that so often, they got a little grain too much
conceit also. They got their heels too high for their boots, and
began to walk like uncle Peleg too, so that when the Chesapeake got
whipped I warn't sorry. We could spare that one, and it made our
navals look round, like a feller who gets a hoist, to see who's
a-larfin' at him. It made 'em brush the dust off, and walk on rather
sheepish. It cut their combs that's a fact. The war did us a plaguy
sight of good in more ways than one, and it did the British some good
too. It taught 'em not to carry their chins too high, for fear they
shouldn't see the gutters--a mistake that's spoiled many a bran' new
coat and trousers afore now.


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