In a common one," says I, "I call six dollars a pretty
fair one; but lawyer Webster has got afore now, I've heerd tell,
one thousand dollars, and that I DO CALL a fee." Well, the judge he
larfed ready to split his sides (thinks I, old chap, you'll bust
like a steam b'iler, if you hain't got a safety valve somewhere or
another), and says he, "I vow that's superfine; I'll indorse your
certificate for you, young man; there's no fear of you, you'll pass
the inspection brand anyhow."
"'Well,' says Eldad, 'I hope I may be skinned if the same thing
didn't e'enamost happen to me at my examination. They axed me a
'nation sight of questions, some on 'em I could answer, and some on
'em no soul could, right off the reel at a word, without a little
cipherin'; at last they axed me, "How would you calculate to put a
patient into a sweat, when common modes wouldn't work no how?" "Why,"
says I, "I'd do as Dr. Comfort Payne sarved father." "And how was
that?" said they. "Why," says I, "he put him into such a sweat as I
never seed him in afore, in all my born days, since I was raised, by
sending him in his bill, and if that didn't sweat him it's a pity; it
was an ACTIVE dose you may depend." "I guess that 'ere chap has cut
his eye-teeth," said the President; "let him pass as approbated."'
"They both knowed well enough; they only made as if they didn't, to
poke a little fun at them, for the Slick family were counted in a
general way to be pretty considerable cute.
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