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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

I guess you expect to raise your bread ready made,
don't you? Well there's only one class of our free and enlightened
citizens that can do that, and that's them that are born with silver
spoons in their mouths. It's a pity you wasn't availed of this truth,
afore you up killoch and off; take my advice and bide where you be.'
"Well, the fishermen are jist as bad. The next time you go into
the fish market at Halifax, stump some of the old hands; says you
'how many fins has a cod, at a word?' and I'll liquidate the bet
if you lose it. When I've been along-shore afore now, a-vendin'
of my clocks, and they began to raise my dander, by belittleing
the Yankees, I always brought them up by a round turn by that
requirement, 'How many fins has a cod, at a word.' Well, they never
could answer it; and then, says I, 'When you larn your own business,
I guess it will be time enough to teach other folks their'n.'
"How different it is with our men folk, if they can't get through a
question, how beautifully they can go round it, can't they? Nothin'
never stops them. I had two brothers, Josiah and Eldad, one was a
lawyer, and the other a doctor. They were a-talkin' about their
examinations one night, at a huskin' frolic, up to Governor Ball's
big stone barn at Slickville. Says Josy, 'When I was examined, the
judge axed me all about real estate; and, says he, "Josiah," says he,
"what's a fee?" "Why," says I, "Judge, it depends on the natur' of
the case.


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