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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

' 'Want to ruin
your granny,' says I (for it raised my dander to hear the critter
talk such nonsense); I did hear of one chap,' says I, 'that sot fire
to his own house once, up to Squantum, but the cunnin' rascal insured
it first; now how can your great folks ruin the country without
ruinin' themselves, unless they have insured the Province? Our folks
will insure all creation for half nothin', but I never heerd tell of
a country being insured agin rich men. Now if you ever go to Wall
Street to get such a policy, leave the door open behind you, that's
all; or they'll grab right hold of you, shave your head and blister
it, clap a straight jacket on you, and whip you right into a mad
house, afore you can say Jack Robinson. No, your great men are
nothin' but rich men, and I can tell you for your comfort, there's
nothin' to hinder you from bein' rich too, if you will take the same
means as they did. They were once all as poor folks as you be, or
their fathers afore them; for I know their whole breed, seed and
generation, and they wouldn't thank you to tell them that you knew
their fathers and grandfathers, I tell you. If ever you want the loan
of a hundred pounds from any of them, keep dark about that; see as
far ahead as you please, but it ain't always pleasant to have folks
see too far back. Perhaps they be a little proud or so, but that's
nateral; all folks that grow up right off, like a mushroom in one
night, are apt to think no small beer of themselves.


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