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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

"
"On examining her below the waist they found--"
"Examining her still lower," said she (all the pride of her sex
revolting at the idea of such an indecent exhibition), "you don't
pretend to say they stripped her below the waist! What did the
Admiral say? Did he stand by and see her handled in that way?"
"The Admiral, madam," said I, "did not trouble his head about it.
They found her extremely unsound there, and much worm-eaten."
"Worm-eaten," she continued, "how awful! It must have been them nasty
jiggers, that got in there; they tell me they are dreadful thick in
the West Indies; Joe Crow had them in his feet, and lost two of his
toes. Worm-eaten, dear, dear! but still that ain't so bad as having
them great he-fellows strip one. I promise you if them Gulards had
undertaken to strip me, I'd a taught them different guess manners;
I'd a died first before I'd a submitted to it. I always heerd tell
the English quality ladies were awful bold, but I never heerd the
like o' that."
"What on airth are you drivin' at?" said Mr. Slick. "I never seed you
so much out in your latitude afore, marm, I vow. We were talkin' of
reparin' a vessel, not strippin' a woman; what under the sun could
have put that 'ere crotchet into your head?"
She looked mortified and humbled at the result of her own absurd
curiosity, and soon quitted the room.


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