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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

' So, says he to the
first leftenant, 'Reeve a rope through that 'ere block at the tip
eend of the fore yard, and clap a runnin' noose in it.' The leftenant
did it as quick as wink, and came back, and says he, 'I guess it's
done.' 'Now,' says the captain, 'look here, pilot; here's a rope you
hain't seed yet, I'll jist explain the use of it to you in case you
want the loan of it. If this here frigate, manned with our free and
enlightened citizens, gets aground, I'll give you a ride on the slack
of that 'ere rope, right up to that yard by the neck, by Gum.' Well,
it rub'd all the writin' out of his face, as quick as spittin' on
a slate takes a sum out, you may depend. Now, they should rig up a
crane over the street door of the State house at Halifax, and when
any of the pilots at either eend of the buildin', run 'em on the
breakers on purpose, string 'em up like an onsafe dog. A sign of that
'ere kind, with 'A house of public entertainment,' painted under it,
would do the business in less than no time. If it wouldn't keep the
hawks out of the poultry yard, it's a pity; it would scare them out
of a year's growth, that's a fact; if they used it once, I guess they
wouldn't have occasion for it agin in a hurry; it would be like the
aloe tree, and that bears fruit only once in a hundred years.
"If you want to know how to act any time, Squire, never go to books,
leave them to gals and school boys; but go right off and cipher it
out of natur', that's a sure guide; it will never deceive you, you
may depend.


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