' 'Well,'
I'd say, 'I don't know what you call too good, but it ain't good
enough for me, for I call it as tuf as laushong, and that will bear
chawing all day. When I liquidate for my dinner, I like to get about
the best that's goin', and I ain't a bit too well pleased if I
don't.' Exciting indeed! thinks I. Lord, I should like to see you
excited, if it was only for the fun of the thing. What a temptin'
lookin' critter you'd be among the gals, wouldn't you? Why, you look
like a subject the doctor boys had dropped on the road arter they had
dug you up, and had cut stick and run for it.
"Well, when tea came, he said the same thing, 'It's too exciting,
give me some water, do; that's follorin' the law of natur'.' 'Well,'
says I, 'if that's the case, you ought to eat beef.' 'Why,' says
he, 'how do you make out that 'ere proposition?' 'Why,' says I, 'if
drinkin' water instead of tea is natur', so is eatin' grass accordin'
to natur'; now all flesh is grass, we are told, so you had better eat
that and call it vegetable; like a man I once seed who fasted on fish
on a Friday, and when he had none, whipped a leg o' mutton into the
oven, and took it out fish. Says he, "It's 'changed PLAICE,' that's
all," and "PLAICE" ain't a bad fish. The Catholics fast enough,
gracious knows, but then they fast on a great rousin' big splendid
salmon at two dollars and forty cents a pound, and lots of old
Madeira to make it float light on the stomach; there's some sense in
mortifying the appetite arter that fashion, but plagy little in your
way.
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