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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

But the folks put me in mind
of a sect in our country they call the Grahamites; they eat no meat
and no exciting food, and drink nothin' stronger than water. They
call it Philosophy (and that is such a pretty word it has made fools
of more folks than them afore now), but I call it tarnation nonsense.
I once travelled all through the State of Maine with one of them 'ere
chaps. He was as thin as a whippin' post. His skin looked like a
blown bladder arter some of the air had leaked out, kinder wrinkled
and rumpled like, and his eye as dim as a lamp that's livin' on a
short allowance of ile. He put me in mind of a pair of kitchen tongs,
all legs, shaft and head, and no belly; a real gander-gutted lookin'
critter, as holler as a bamboo walkin' cane, and twice as yaller.
He actilly looked as if he had been picked off a rack at sea, and
dragged through a gimlet hole. He was a lawyer. Thinks I, the Lord a
massy on your clients, you hungry, half-starved lookin' critter you,
you'll eat 'em up alive as sure as the Lord made Moses. You are jist
the chap to strain at a goat and swallow a camel, tank, shank and
flank, all at a gulp.
"Well, when we came to an inn, and a beef steak was sot afore us for
dinner, he'd say, 'Oh that is too good for me, it's too exciting; all
fat meat is diseased meat, give me some bread and cheese.


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