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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

When they get a bawbee, they know
what to do with it, that's a fact; they open their pouch and drop it
in, and it's got a spring like a fox-trap; it holds fast to all it
gets, like grim death to a dead nigger. They are proper skinflints,
you may depend. Oatmeal is no great shakes at best; it ain't even as
good for a horse as real yeller Varginny corn, but I guess I warn't
long in finding out that the grits hardly pay for the riddlin'. No, a
Yankee has as little chance among them as a Jew has in New England;
the sooner he clears out, the better. You can no more put a leake
into them, than you can send a chisel into teake wood; it turns the
edge of the tool the first drive. If the Bluenoses knew the value of
money as well as they do, they'd have more cash, and fewer clocks and
tin reflectors, I reckon.
"Now, it's different with the Irish; they never carry a puss, for
they never have a cent to put in it. They are always in love or in
liquor, or else in a row; they are the merriest shavers I ever seed.
Judge Beler--I dare say you have heerd tell of him; he's a funny
feller--he put a notice over his factory gate at Lowell, 'no cigars
or Irishmen admitted within these walls;' for, said he, 'The one will
set a flame a-goin' among my cottons, and t'other among my gals. I
won't have no such inflammable and dangerous things about me on no
account.


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