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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

'
'Why,' says I, 'that's a notch above my mark; I guess it's too plagy
dear for me, I can't afford it no how.' 'Well,' says he, 'it's dear
in one sense, but it's dog cheap in another--it's a grand place for
speculation. There's so many rich southerners and strangers there
that have more money than wit, that you might do a pretty good
business there, without goin' out of the street door. I made two
hundred dollars this mornin' in little less than half no time.
There's a Carolina lawyer there, as rich as a bank, and says he to
me arter breakfast, "Major," says he, "I wish I knew where to get a
real slapping trotter of a horse, one that could trot with a flash
of lightning for a mile, and beat it by a whole neck or so." Says I,
"My Lord," for you must know, he says he's the nearest male heir to
a Scotch dormant peerage, "my Lord," says I, "I have one, a proper
sneezer, a chap that can go ahead of a railroad steamer, a real
natural traveller, one that can trot with the ball out of the small
eend of a rifle, and never break into a gallop." Says he, "Major,
I wish you wouldn't give me that 'ere nickname, I don't like it,"
though he looked as tickled all the time as possible; "I never knew,"
says he, "a lord that warn't a fool, that's a fact, and that's the
reason I don't go ahead and claim the title." "Well," says I, "my
Lord I don't know, but somehow I can't help a-thinkin', if you have
a good claim, you'd be more like a fool not to go ahead with it.


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