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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"The Clockmaker"

' Well, he lets
him have the spur, and the critter does his best, and then I pass
him like a streak of lightning with mine. The feller looks all taken
aback at that. 'Why,' says he, 'that's a real clipper of your'n, I
vow.' 'Middlin',' says I (quite cool, as if I had heard that 'ere
same thing a thousand times), 'he's good enough for me, jist a fair
trotter, and nothin' to brag of. That goes near about as far agin in
a general way, as a crackin' and a boastin' does. Never TELL folks
you can go a head on 'em, but DO it; it spares a great deal of talk,
and helps them to save their breath to cool their broth.
"No, if you want to know the inns and the outs of the Yankees--I've
wintered them and summered them; I know all their points, shape,
make and breed; I've tried 'em alongside of other folks, and I know
where they fall short, where they mate 'em, and where they have the
advantage, about as well as some who think they know a plaguy sight
more. It ain't them that stare the most, that see the best always, I
guess. Our folks have their faults, and I know them (I warn't born
blind, I reckon), but your friends, the tour writers, are a little
grain too hard on us. Our old nigger wench had several dirty,
ugly-lookin' children, and was proper cross to 'em. Mother used
to say, 'Juno, it's better never to wipe a child's nose at all, I
guess, than to wring it off.


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