' (The truth is,
you could no more trap Alden than you could an Indian. He could see
other folks' trail, and made none himself; he was a real diplomatist,
and I believe our diplomatists are allowed to be the best in the
world.) 'But I tell you it does follow,' said the Doctor; 'for in the
company you'll have to keep, you'll have to eat like a Christian.'
"It was an everlasting pity Alden contradicted him, for he broke out
like one ravin' distracted mad. 'I'll be damned,' said he, 'if ever I
saw a Yankee that didn't bolt his food whole like a boa constrictor.
How the devil can you expect to digest food, that you neither take
the trouble to dissect, nor time to masticate? It's no wonder you
lose your teeth, for you never use them; nor your digestion, for
you overload it; nor your saliva, for you expend it on the carpets,
instead of your food. It's disgusting, it's beastly. You Yankees load
your stomachs as a Devonshire man does his cart, as full as it can
hold, and as fast as he can pitch it with a dung-fork, and drive off;
and then you complain that such a load of compost is too heavy for
you. Dyspepsy, eh! infernal guzzling, you mean. I'll tell you what,
Mr. Secretary of Legation, take half the time to eat that you do to
drawl out your words, chew your food half as much as you do your
filthy tobacco, and you'll be well in a month.
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