'
"While in this joyful state, I remembered with sorrow how many years
I had refused to acknowledge the Prince of life as my King, while he
waited with open arms to receive me; and how often, after putting my
hand to the plough, I had looked back. My backsliding, my evil
example, my neglect of souls, all rose before me like a dark cloud,
and I was in agony. But soon a voice said, 'Thy sins are forgiven!'
and all was light. I said, 'Lord, I must praise thee for this
forever; but I cannot forgive myself.' Yet, though the pains of
death were on me, I was comforted to be nearer the land where they
sin no more. Earthly pleasure now seemed emptiness. The pleasures of
heaven filled my thoughts. I said, 'Is this death--that which we
poor mortals fear?' My friends asked, 'Has he no terrors for you?'
'No; none. The king of terrors is to me the chief of joys.' One of
my teachers said, 'So you have no fear of him--no sorrow that your
body shall lie in the grave!' 'Why fear or sorrow, when Christ has
overcome both death and sin?' My father then asked, 'Do you suffer
much'?' 'Yes; but if I suffered a thousand times more, what would
that be to those bitter hours upon the cross.
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