But
think not I would have had you act differently; far better is it for
me to have my child faithful to duty than even to have her with me.
Such was the lesson I taught her in a better hour. I am abashed to
think how often lately I have found excuses for indolence in the
weakness of my body; while now, after solitary communion with my
better nature, I feel it was weakness of mind, weak fear of depression
and conflict. But the Father of our spirits will not long permit a
heart fit for worship
"--------- to seek
From weak recoils, exemptions weak,
After false gods to go astray,
Deck altars vile with garlands gay," etc.
His voice has reached me; and I trust the postponement of your visit
will give me space to nerve myself to what strength I should, so that,
when we do meet, I shall rejoice that you did not come to help or
soothe me; for I shall have helped and soothed myself. Indeed, I would
not so willingly that you should see my short-comings as know that
they exist. Pray that I may never lose sight of my vocation; that I
may not make ill-health a plea for sloth and cowardice; pray that,
whenever I do, I may be punished more swiftly than this time, by a
sadness as deep as now.
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