When I was bound to Mr. L----, by a vow which
from my heedless lips was mockery of all thought, all holiness, I had
never known a duty, I had never felt the pressure of a tie. Life had
been, so far, a sweet, voluptuous dream, and I thought of this
seemingly so kind and amiable person as a new and devoted ministrant
to me of its pleasures. But I was scarcely in his power when I awoke.
I perceived the unfitness of the tie; its closeness revolted me.
"I had no timidity; I had always been accustomed to indulge my
feelings, and I displayed them now. L----, irritated, averted his
mastery; this drove me wild; I soon hated him, and despised too his
insensibility to all which I thought most beautiful. From all his
faults, and the imperfection of our relation, grew up in my mind the
knowledge of what the true might be to me. It is astonishing how the
thought grow upon me day by day. I had not been married more than
three months before I knew what it would be to love, and I longed to
be free to do so. I had never known what it was to be resisted, and
the thought never came to me that I could now, and for all my life, be
bound by so early a mistake. I thought only of expressing my resolve
to be free.
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