I heed not the world's opinion, and would, for myself,
rather remain here, and keep up no semblance of a connection which my
matured mind disclaims. But that scandalizes you and my mother, and
makes your house a scene of pain and mortification in your old age. I
know you, too, did not neglect the charge of me, in your own eyes. I
owe you gratitude for your affectionate intentions at least.
"L---- too is as miserable as mortification can make one like him.
Write, and ask him if he wishes my presence in his house on my own
terms. He must not expect from me the affection, or marks of
affection, of a wife. I should never have been his wife had I waited
till I understood life or myself. But I will be his attentive and
friendly companion, the mistress of his house, if he pleases. To the
world it will seem enough,--he will be more comfortable there,--and
what he wished of me was, in a great measure, to show me to the world.
I saw that, as soon as we were in it, I could not give him happiness
if I would, for we have not a thought nor employment in common. But if
we can agree on the way, we may live together without any one being
very miserable except myself, and I have made up my mind.
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