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Alger, Horatio, 1832-1899

"Nothing to Eat"


Though little, I told you, that's worthy your taste
You'll find on our table, pray don't think us mean--
Your welcome is ample--that's better than waste--
Oh! here comes the soup in a silver tureen--
'Tis mock turtle too--so good for digestion:
That kills me by inches, the wretched complaint
Dyspepsia--to cure which, I take by suggestion
Port-wine in the soup, when I feel slightly faint.

The Dinner Table Talk.

Now soup, if you like made of beef very nice,
You'll find this the next thing to the height of perfection;
And eaten with ketchup, or thickened with rice,
Will suit you I know, if this is your selection.
My own disposition to this one inclines,
But dreadful dyspepsia destroys all the pleasure
Of dinner, except it's well tinctured with wines
Which plan I adopt as a health-giving measure.
A table well ordered, well furnished, and neat,
No wonder our nature for ever is tempting;
And I'd like to know if Mahomet could beat
Its pleasures--dyspepsia for ever exempting--
With all that he promised in paradise gained,
With Houris attendant in place of the churls
With which we are worried, tormented, and pained--
The colored men servants, or green Irish girls.


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