At
Dublin, God knows why, he wrote me the cruel letter part of which he
acknowledges in Glenarvon (the 9th of November, 1812)--He knew it would
destroy my mind and all else--it did so--Lady Oxford was no doubt the
instigator. What will not a woman do to get rid of a rival? She knew
that he still loved me--I need not tire you with every particular. I was
brought to England a mere wreck; & in due time, Lady Melbourne & my
mother being seriously alarmed for me, brought me to town, and allowed
me to see Lord Byron. Our meeting was not what he insinuates--he asked
me to forgive him; he looked sorry for me; he cried. I adored him still,
but I felt as passionless as the dead may feel.--Would I had died
there!--I should have died pitied, & still loved by him, & with the
sympathy of all. I even should have pardoned myself--so deeply had I
suffered. But, unhappily, we continued occasionally to meet. Lord Byron
liked others, I only him--The scene at Lady Heathcote's is nearly
true--he had made me swear I was never to Waltz. Lady Heathcote said,
Come, Lady Caroline, you must begin, & I bitterly answered--oh yes! I am
in a merry humour. I did so--but whispered to Lord Byron 'I conclude I
may waltz _now_' and he answered sarcastically, 'with every body in
turn--you always did it better than any one. I shall have a pleasure in
seeing you."--I did so you may judge with what feelings. After this,
feeling ill, I went into a small inner room where supper was prepared;
Lord Byron & Lady Rancliffe entered after; seeing me, he said, 'I have
been admiring your dexterity.
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