" [1]
I do not like this dream,--I hate its "foregone conclusion." And am I to
be shaken by shadows? Ay, when they remind us of--no matter--but, if I
dream thus again, I will try whether _all_ sleep has the like visions.
Since I rose, I've been in considerable bodily pain also; but it is
gone, and now, like Lord Ogleby [2], I am wound up for the day.
A note from Mountnorris [3]--I dine with Ward;--Canning is to be there,
Frere [4] and Sharpe [5], perhaps Gifford. I am to be one of "the five"
(or rather six), as Lady----said a little sneeringly yesterday. They
are all good to meet, particularly Canning, and--Ward, when he likes. I
wish I may be well enough to listen to these intellectuals.
No letters to-day;--so much the better,--there are no answers. I must
not dream again;--it spoils even reality. I will go out of doors, and
see what the fog will do for me. Jackson has been here: the boxing world
much as usual;--but the club increases. I shall dine at Crib's [6]
to-morrow. I like energy--even animal energy--of all kinds; and I have
need of both mental and corporeal. I have not dined out, nor, indeed,
_at all_, lately: have heard no music--have seen nobody. Now for a
_plunge_--high life and low life. _Amant_ alterna _Camoenae!_ [7].
I have burnt my _Roman_--as I did the first scenes and sketch of my
comedy--and, for aught I see, the pleasure of burning is quite as great
as that of printing. These two last would not have done. I ran into
_realities_ more than ever; and some would have been recognised and
others guessed at.
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