"
Dallas found him, shortly after his introduction to the prince, "in a
full-dress court suit of clothes, with his fine black hair in powder,"
prepared to attend a levee. But the levee was put off, and the
subsequent avowal of the authorship of the stanzas rendered it
impossible for him to go ('Recollections', p. 234).]
* * * * *
242.--To Lady Caroline Lamb.
[August, 1812?]
MY DEAREST CAROLINE, [1]--If tears which you saw and know I am not apt
to shed,--if the agitation in which I parted from you,--agitation which
you must have perceived through the _whole_ of this most _nervous_
affair, did not commence until the moment of leaving you approached,--if
all I have said and done, and am still but too ready to say and do, have
not sufficiently proved what my real feelings are, and must ever be
towards you, my love, I have no other proof to offer. God knows, I wish
you happy, and when I quit you, or rather you, from a sense of duty to
your husband and mother, quit me, you shall acknowledge the truth of
what I again promise and vow, that no other in word or deed, shall ever
hold the place in my affections, which is, and shall be, most sacred to
you, till I am nothing. I never knew till _that moment_ the _madness_ of
my dearest and most beloved friend; I cannot express myself; this is no
time for words, but I shall have a pride, a melancholy pleasure, in
suffering what you yourself can scarcely conceive, for you do not know
me.
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