So, in a moment, I could lay all these troubles by, which
were after all and truly none of mine; swim clear of the Appin
Murder; get forth out of hand-stroke of all the Stewarts and
Campbells, all the Whigs and Tories, in the land; and live
henceforth to my own mind, and be able to enjoy and to improve my
fortunes, and devote some hours of my youth to courting Catriona,
which would be surely a more suitable occupation than to hide and
run and be followed like a hunted thief, and begin over again the
dreadful miseries of my escape with Alan.
At first I thought no shame of this capitulation; I was only amazed
I had not thought upon the thing and done it earlier; and began to
inquire into the causes of the change. These I traced to my
lowness of spirits, that back to my late recklessness, and that
again to the common, old, public, disconsidered sin of self-
indulgence. Instantly the text came in my head, "HOW CAN SATAN
CAST OUT SATAN?" What? (I thought) I had, by self-indulgence; and
the following of pleasant paths, and the lure of a young maid, cast
myself wholly out of conceit with my own character, and jeopardised
the lives of James and Alan? And I was to seek the way out by the
same road as I had entered in? No; the hurt that had been caused
by self-indulgence must be cured by self-denial; the flesh I had
pampered must be crucified.
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