At his morning service he spoke to his church members
thusly:
"Bredern and sistern, things is not as should be. You 'must not
'spects I can preach on u'th an' boa'd in Heben."
_The Maid Knew a Thing or Two_
"Madam," said the book-agent as the door was opened by a very comely
maid, "I am selling a new book on etiquette and deportment."
"Oh, you are," she responded. "Go down there on the grass and clean
the mud off your feet."
"Yes'm," and he went. "As I was saying, ma'am," he continued as he
again came to the door, "I am sell----"
"Take off your hat! Never address a strange lady at her door without
removing your hat."
"Yes'm." And off went the hat. "Now, then, as I was saying----"
"Take your hands out of your pockets. No gentleman ever carries his
hands there."
"Yes'm," and his hands clutched at his coat lapels. "Now, ma'am,
this work on eti----"
"Throw out your cud. If a gentleman uses tobacco he is careful not
to disgust others by the habit."
"Yes'm," and the tobacco disappeared. "Now, ma'am," as he wiped his
brow, "in calling your attention to this valuable----"
"Wait.
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