Relieved by his absence, and exhausted by the
conflict of my fears, I threw myself on a chair, and resigned
myself to those bewildering ideas which incidents like these could
not fail to produce.
V
Order could not readily be introduced into my thoughts. The voice
still rung in my ears. Every accent that was uttered by Carwin was
fresh in my remembrance. His unwelcome approach, the recognition
of his person, his hasty departure, produced a complex impression
on my mind which no words can delineate. I strove to give a slower
motion to my thoughts, and to regulate a confusion which became
painful; but my efforts were nugatory. I covered my eyes with my
hand, and sat, I know not how long, without power to arrange or
utter my conceptions.
I had remained for hours, as I believed, in absolute solitude. No
thought of personal danger had molested my tranquillity. I had
made no preparation for defense. What was it that suggested the
design of perusing my father's manuscript? If, instead of this, I
had retired to bed and to sleep, to what fate might I not have been
reserved.
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