Pleyel was not the only object of my keen
but unjust upbraiding. Deeply did I execrate my own folly. Thus
fallen into ruins was the gay fabric which I had reared! Thus had
my golden vision melted into air!
How fondly did I dream that Pleyel was a lover! If he were, would
he have suffered any obstacle to hinder his coming? "Blind and
infatuated man!" I exclaimed. "Thou sportest with happiness. The
good that is offered thee thou hast the insolence and folly to
refuse. Well, I will henceforth intrust my felicity to no one's
keeping but my own."
The first agonies of this disappointment would not allow me to be
reasonable or just. Every ground on which I had built the
persuasion that Pleyel was not unimpressed in my favor appeared to
vanish. It seemed as if I had been misled into this opinion by the
most palpable illusions.
I made some trifling excuse, and returned, much earlier than I
expected, to my own house. I retired early to my chamber, without
designing to sleep. I placed myself at a window, and gave the
reins to reflection.
The hateful and degrading impulses which had lately controlled me
were, in some degree, removed.
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