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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"Nature and Human Nature"


"'Now,' sais missus, 'Sorrow, it's werry genteel to travel wid one's
own cook; but it is werry ongenteel when de cook can't do nuffin'
super-superior; for bad cooks is plenty eberywhere widout travellin'
wid 'em. It brings disgrace.'
"'Exactly, Missus,' sais I, 'when you and me was up to de president's
plantation, his cook was makin' plum pudden, he was. Now how in natur
does you rimagine he did it? why, Missus, he actilly made it wid
flour, de stupid tick-headed fool, instead ob de crumbs ob a six cent
stale loaf, he did; and he nebber 'pared de gredients de day afore, as
he had aughten to do. It was nuffin' but stick jaw--jist fit to feed
turkeys and little niggeroons wid. Did you ebber hear de likes ob dat
in all your bawn days, Missus; but den, Marm, de general was a berry
poor cook hisself you know, and it stand to argument ob reason, where
massa or missus don't know nuffin', de sarvant can't neither. Dat is
what all de gentlemen and ladies says dat wisit here, Marm: 'What a
lubly beautiful woman Miss Lunn is,' dey say, 'dere is so much
'finement in her, and her table is de best in all Meriky.'
"'What a fool you is, Uncle Sorrow,' she say, and den she larf again;
and when missus larf den I know she was pleased. 'Well,' sais she,
'now mind you keep all your secrets to yourself when travellin', and
keep your eyes open wide, and see eberyting and say nuffin'.


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