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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"Nature and Human Nature"

He runs all
over a house, sits up late at night, and makes a devil of a noise. He
is a nasty, cross-grained critter, and treacherous even to those who
feed him best. He is very dirty in his habits, and spoils as much food
as he eats. If a door ain't left open for him, he cuts right through
it, and if by accident he is locked in, he won't wait to be let out,
but hacks a passage ship through the floor. Not content with being
entertained himself, he brings a whole retinue with him, and actilly
eats a feller out of house and home, and gets as sassy as a free
nigger. He gets into the servant-gall's bed-room sometimes at night,
and nearly scares her to death under pretence he wants her candle; and
sometimes jumps right on to the bed, and says she is handsome enough
to eat, gives her a nip on the nose, sneezes on her with great
contempt, and tells her she takes snuff. The fact is, he is hated
everywhere he travels for his ugly behaviour as much as an Englishman,
and that is a great deal more than sin is by half the world.
Now, being fond of natur, I try to take lessons from all created
critters. I copy the rat's travelling knowledge and good points as
near as possible, and strive to avoid the bad. I confine myself to the
company apartments, and them that's allotted to me! Havin' no family,
I take nobody with me a-visitin', keep good hours, and give as little
trouble as possible; and as for goin' to the servant-gall's room,
under pretence of wanting a candle, I'd scorn such an action.


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