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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"Nature and Human Nature"

"
The old woman perceiving that Jerry had been making some joke at her
expense, asked the girl the meaning of it, when she rose, and seizing
his cap and boxing his ears with it, right and left, asked what he
meant by wearing it before gentlemen, and then poured out a torrent of
abuse on him, with such volubility I was unable to follow it.
Jerry sneaked off, and set in the corner near his daughter, afraid to
speak, and the old woman took her chair again, unable to do so. There
was a truce and a calm, so to change the conversation, sais I:
"Sorrow, take the rifle and go and see if there is a Jesuit-priest
about here, and if there is shoot him, and take him on board and cook
him."
"Oh, Massa Sam," said he, and he opened his eyes and goggled like an
owl awfully frightened. "Goody gracious me, now you is joking, isn't
you? I is sure you is. You wouldn't now, Massa, you wouldn't make dis
child do murder, would you? Oh, Massa!! kill de poor priest who nebber
did no harm in all his born days, and him hab no wife and child to
follow him to--"
"The pot," sais I, "oh, yes, if they ask me arter him I will say he is
gone to pot."
"Oh, Massa, now you is funnin, ain't you?" and he tried to force a
laugh. "How in de world under de canopy ob hebbin must de priest be
cooked?"
"Cut his head and feet off," sais I, "break his thighs short, close up
to the stumps, bend 'em up his side, ram him into the pot and stew him
with ham and vegetables.


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