Presently, Van Dam
seized me by the shoulder, quite out of breath, puffin' and blowin'
like a porpoise.
"'Mr Slick?' said he.
"'Yes,' sais I, 'what's left of me; but good gracious,' sais I, 'you
have got the 'heaves.' I hope it ain't catchin'.'
"'No I haven't,' said he, 'but your cussed hoss has, and nearly broke
my neck. You are like all the Connecticut men I ever see, a nasty,
mean, long-necked, long-legged, narrow-chested, slab-sided,
narrow-souled, lantern-jawed, Yankee cheat.'
"'Well,' sais I, 'that's a considerable of a long name to write on the
back of a letter, ain't it? It ain't good to use such a swad of words,
it's no wonder you have the heaves; but I'll cure you; I warn't
brought up to wranglin'; I hain't time to fight you, and besides,'
said I, 'you are broken-winded; but I'll chuck you over the wharf into
the river to cool you, boots and all, by gravy.'
"'Didn't you advertise,' said he, 'that the only reason you had to
part with that horse was, that he was too heavy for a man who never
travelled slower than a mile in two minutes and twenty seconds?'
"'Never!' sais I, 'I never said such a word. What will you bet I did?'
"'Fifty dollars,' said he.
"'Done,' said I. 'And, Vanderbelt--(he was just going on board the
steamer at the time)--Vanderbelt,' sais I, 'hold these stakes.
Friend,' sais I, 'I won't say you lie, but you talk uncommonly like
the way I do when I lie.
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