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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"Nature and Human Nature"

It costs a good deal; no one thanks you,
and nobody defrays cab-hire, and makes up for lost time, temper, and
patience to you--it don't pay in a general way; sometimes it will; for
instance, when I left the embassy, I made thirty thousand pounds of
your money by one operation. Lead was scarce in our market, and very
high, and the duty was one-third of the prime cost, as a protection to
the native article. So what does I do, but go to old Galena, one of
the greatest dealers in the lead trade in Great Britain, and
ascertained the wholesale price.
"Sais I, 'I want five hundred thousand dollars worth of lead.'
"'That is an immense order,' said he, 'Mr Slick. There is no market in
the world that can absorb so much at once.'
"'The loss will be mine,' said I. 'What deductions will you make if I
take it all from your house?'
"Well, he came down handsome, and did the thing genteel.
"'Now,' sais I, 'will you let one of your people go to my cab, and
bring a mould I have there.'
"Well, it was done.
"'There,' said I, 'is a large bust of Washington. Every citizen of the
United States ought to have one, if he has a dust of patriotism in
him. I must have the lead cast into rough busts like that.'
"'Hollow,' said he, 'of course.'
"'No, no,' sais I, 'by no manner of means, the heavier and solider the
better.'
"'But,' said Galena, 'Mr Slick, excuse me, though it is against my own
interest, I cannot but suggest you might find a cheaper material, and
one more suitable to your very laudable object.


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