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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"Nature and Human Nature"

' Sais I, 'My dear bredren,' and dey
all called out:
"'You farnal niggar you! do you call us bredren, when you is as black
as de debbil's hind leg?'
"'I beg your most massiful pardon,' sais I, 'but as you is
ablutionists, and when you preach, calls us regraded niggars your
coloured bredren, I tought I might venture to foller in de same suit,
if I had a card ob same colour.'
"'Well done, Uncle Tom,' sais they. 'Well done, Zip Coon,' and dey
made me swallow anoder glass ob naked truth. Dis here child has a
trong head, Massa, dat are a fac. He stand so much sun, he ain't easy
combustioned in his entails.
"'Go on,' sais they.
"Well, my bredren," sais I, "I will dilate to you the valy of a
niggar, as put in one scale and white man in de oder. Now, bredren,
you know a sparrer can't fall to de ground no how he can fix it, but
de Lord knows it--in course ob argument you do. Well, you knows twelve
sparrers sell in de market for one penny. In course ob respondence you
do. How much more den does de Lord care for a niggar like me, who is
worth six hundred dollars and fifty cents, at de least? So, gentlemen,
I is done, and now please, my bredren, I will pass round de hat wid
your recurrence.'
"Well, dey was pretty high, and dey behaved like gentlemen, I must
submit dat; dey gub me four dollars, dey did--dey is great friends to
niggar, and great mancipationists, all ob dem; and I would hab got two
dollars more, I do raily conclude, if I hadn't a called 'em my
bredren.


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