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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"Nature and Human Nature"

He was a great reader and a great arguer, Sir, as most
Scotchmen are. I used to say to him, 'M'Clure, it's a wonder you can
fight as well as you do, for in England fellows who dispute all the
time commonly take it all out in words.'
"One day, Sir, a man passed the north barrack gate, tumping (as he
said, which means in English, Sir, hauling) an immense bull moose on a
sled, though why he didn't say so, I don't know, unless he wanted to
show he knew what M'Clure calls the botanical word for it. It was the
largest hanimal I ever saw here."
"Says Mac to him, 'What do you call that creature?'
"'Moose,' said he.
"'Do you pretend to tell me,' said Mac, 'that that henormous hanimal,
with orns like a deer, is a moose?'
"'I don't pretend at all,' said he; 'I think I hought to know one when
I see it, for I have killed the matter of a undred of them in my day.'
"'It's a daumed lee,' said the sergeant. 'It's no such thing; I
wouldn't believe it if you was to swear to it.'
"'Tell you what,' said the man, 'don't go for to tell me that again,
or I'll lay you as flat as he is in no time,' and he cracked his whip
and moved on.
"'What's the use,' said I, 'M'Clure, to call that man a liar? How do
you know whether it is a moose or not, and he is more like to get its
name right than you, who never saw one afore.'
"'Moose,' said he, 'do you take me for a fool? do you suppose he is a
goin' to cram me with such stuff as that? The idea of his pretending
to tell me that a creature six feet high with great spreading antlers
like a deer is a moose, when in fact they are no bigger than a
cock-roach, and can run into holes the size of a sixpence! Look at
me--do you see anything very green about me?'
"'Why, Mac,' sais I, 'as sure as the world you mean a mouse.


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