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Haliburton, Thomas Chandler, 1796-1865

"Nature and Human Nature"

Nobody would have
molested you. Nothing but cant led you to join temperance societies. A
man ought to be able to use, not abuse liquor, but the moment you
obligate yourself not to touch it, it kinder sets you a hankering
after it, and if you taste it after that, it upsets you, as it did
last night. It ain't easy to wean a calf that takes to suckin' the
second time, that's a fact. Your pretence set folks agin you. They
didn't half like the interruption for one thing, and then the way you
acted made them disrespect you. So you got a most an all-fired trick
played on you. And I must say it sarves you right. Now, sais I, go on
board and--"
"Oh, Mr Slick," said he, "oh now, that's a good fellow, don't send me
on board such a figure as this, I'd rather die fust, I'd never hear
the last of it. The men would make me the laughing-stock of Quaco. Oh,
I can't go on board."
"Well," sais I, "go to bed then, and put a poultice on your face, to
soften the skin." That warn't necessary at all, but I said it to
punish him. "And when I come back, I will give you a wash, that will
make your face as white and as smooth as a baby's."
"Oh, Mr Slick," said he, "couldn't you--" but I turned away, and
didn't hear him out.
By the time I had done with him, we were all ready to start for the
Bachelor Beaver. Peter borrowed an extra horse and waggon, and drove
his youngest daughter.


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