Vulgarity is always showy.
It is a pretty word, "Reformers." The common herd of them I don't mind
much, for rogues and fools always find employment for each other. But
when I hear of a great reformer like some of the big bugs to England,
that have been grinning through horse-collars of late years, like
harlequins at fairs, for the amusement and instruction of the public,
I must say I do expect to see a super-superior hypocrite.
Yes, I know who those great artists Soyer and Ude were, but I thought
I'd draw him out. So I just asked who on earth they were, and he
explained at great length, and mentioned the wonderful discoveries
they had made in their divine art.
"Well," sais I, "why on earth don't your friend the Mackinic cook go
to London or Paris, where he won't want a pension, or anything else,
if he excels them great men?"
"Bless you, Sir," he replied, "he is merely a voyageur."
"Oh dear," sais I, "I dare say then he can fry ham and eggs and serve
'em up in ile, boil salt beef and pork, and twice lay cod-fish, and
perhaps boil potatoes nice and watery like cattle turnips. What
discoveries could such a rough-and-tumble fellow as that make?"
"Well," said the doctor, "I didn't want to put myself forward, for it
ain't pleasant to speak of oneself."
"Well, I don't know that," sais I, "I ain't above it, I assure you. If
you have a horse to sell, put a thunderin' long price on him, and
folks will think he must be the devil and all, and if you want people
to vally you right, appraise yourself at a high figure.
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