"'Why, Sam,' said she, 'what under the sun is the matter? What a spot
of work? Where in the world have you been?'
"'In the mill pond,' said I.
"'In the mill pond,' said she, slowly; 'and ruinated that beautiful
new coat I made out of your father's old one, and turned so nicely for
you. You are more trouble to me than all the rest of the boys put
together. Go right off to your room this blessed instant minite, and
go to bed and say your prayers, and render thanks for savin' your
clothes, if you did lose your life.'
"'I wish I had lost my life,' said I.
"'Wish you had lost your life?' said she. 'Why you miserable,
onsarcumsised, onjustified, graceless boy. Why do you wish you had
lost your life?'
"'Phew, phew,' said I, 'was you ever kissed by a nigger? because if
you was, I guess you wouldn't have asked that are question,' and I
sneezed so hard I actually blew down the wire cage, the door of it
flew open, and the cat made a spring like wink and killed the canary
bird.
"'Sam, Sam,' said she ('skat, skat, you nasty devil, you--you have got
the knary, I do declare.) Sam! Sam! to think I should have lived to
hear you ask your mother if she had ever been kissed by a nigger!' and
she began to boohoo right out. 'I do believe in my soul you are drunk,
Sam,' said she.
"'I shouldn't wonder if I was,' said I, 'for I have drunk enough
to-day to serve a cow and a calf for a week.
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