I
tried to follow the argument, but finally gave it up and began to think
about that which had been uppermost in my mind for the five days past.
The thing baffled me; the object of my quest had eluded my every effort
to grasp it. The experience of the five days was new, but it contained
nothing but that which could be accounted for by purely natural causes.
I reviewed the whole period to see if I had left out any essential part
of the formula. Was it possible that my skepticism had been well
founded, that there was nothing in the so-called "Christian experience"
after all? It was about four o'clock in the afternoon of the fifth day
since I had set my face toward the Christian life and I was still in the
fog.
But I was weary with the effort, and as I thought it over, I said to
myself "What are you trying to do?" and the answer was, "I am trying to
be a Christian." Then it dawned upon me that _trying_ was not
_trusting_; that, if I succeeded in my effort, I should have only a
self-made product and not the religion of the Bible and that it was
unreasonable for me to expect the results of faith before exercising
faith itself.
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